Being a parent of a brand new teenager is very different then I thought. I thought we would be friends, nothing like it was when I was the teen. We would hang out go to the movies, go to the mall, you know all that fun stuff. Well, so not true. If I am lucky I receive a civil word every now and again. It is so true, your children are just like you.
I have come to the end of my rope. I am now trying to decide how much freedom to give away. Know I now that this world is based on free agency and that is not what I am talking about, I am talking about letting the natural consequences do the teaching. Taking back some of the house rules that seem to be causing a lot of the tension around here. But what is too much and what is not enough?
The first child is always the guinea pig and I should know this better than anyone. There is a learning curve and boy have I hit this one face first. This world is not what it used to be when I was growing up, safety is a huge factor in all of this. But when do you let go of the raft and run along the beach with the life preserver? Hoping that they keep their life vest on. Is 13 too young?
I want my children to grow up. I want them to be happy, healthy, productive adults. But how? I have turned into a very quiet person around the house. It seems that all I ever was saying was things that they needed to do. Brush your teeth, eat your food, do your school work, get up out of bed, and the list can go on.
I guess natural consequences are where it is at. That is what the Lord uses on us. He gives us the house rules and then we choose for ourselves if we are going to follow and have the blessings or not to follow and miss out on those blessings.
Man is parenting hard. But well worth it!
2 comments:
I feel your pain Trisha, I am right there with you. I am so used to just dictating and when he fights back I get flustered. I want to give him more freedom but fear what "could" happen. I also don't want him to resent me and end up pushing him away. I am trying to keep him under my thumb and it's like having a caged tiger in the house. I'm scared to let go but fear the results of not letting go. How much freedom should they get at this age. I hope some wise people comment on your post! When you do get this all figured out, will you let me know? :0) Hang in there.
OK, I'll take a shot at wisdom.
First, most of the things you find yourself pushing daily are for your benefit. They keep the household running with as little backlash from the kid as possible. You think they are important.
Second, most of these things have others who will enforce them without your help. The school will deal with homework and tardiness. The weather will require coats and boots. The dentist will drill or not. Why get in the mix?
Third, your job is safety and morals and there is no negotiation on these. Modesty, internet safety, drugs, buddy system, curfew, etc.; these are your purview and no one else cares.
Fourth, pick your battleground and win on those issues. Let the rest take care of itself with natural consequences.
Fifth, do a lot of listening and not too much talking. Validate fears and concerns, reinforce and encourage positive actions, and keep positive even while enforcing limits on your stuff.
Finally, you are a good mom. You are just working too hard on the minutia. You are learning to be a god and it's hard work. Be patient with yourself; Heavenly Father is.
Love Dad
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